Home with his family for 2 months

Language:

I am amazed every day how well Calvin speaks English and is picking up on language. He is now putting together 3-4 words. He loves fire trucks and is always saying in the car 'find fire truck'. He uses breakfast, lunch and dinner at the correct times. He knows his body parts (head, shoulders, knees, toes, mouth, nose, teeth, tongue, eyes and ears). He does mixes up inside and outside, upstairs and downstairs, open and close.

Eating:

Calvin loves bananas, yogurt, bread, peanut butter, baby oatmeal, mac and cheese, green beans, brocolli, juice, apple sauce, pudding, chicken nuggets, hamburgers, cheese, milk and ice cream. He does not like asparagus, and only ate half of his mexican dinner at the restaurant last night.

Sleeping:

We only had one night of terrifying crying at the beginning, when we got home. Since then he falls asleep at nap time and bed time just fine. We do rock in a rocking chair to some classical music before bed time and have a bottle of milk (2-4 oz) for attachement reasons.

Behavior:

In the beginning he had a lot of tantrums that lasted very long, and I was so unsure on how to deal with them. Holding time seemed to put him into more of a rage (constricting him), so we ended up just ignoring it or putting him in time in next to us. He would (and still tries to) bite sometimes when put into time out, when he bites himself or tries to bite me then I do hold him in holding time until he calms down and says sorry for the reason he was in time out. He does get frustrated trying new things and will through tantrums when I won't help him (like doing a puzzle ...I help him but won't do it for him). I want him to know he can do it and be proud of himself. His face just lightens up when he does accomplish it. These are puzzles for 18 mth olds that are doable for him, he just doesn't want to do it!!

Health:

Overall he has been healthy. We have visited the cardiologist, had an echo done and the cardiologist things he looks great. He will continue to be on aspirin and visit the doctor every 6 mths for a check up. He still needs to get some immunizations, we are waiting to hear what the international clinic finds from his blood work. He did get a flu shot a few days ago, has croup and still recovering, and has a cold on top of that right now. So we have had a few sleepless nights, but he seems to be on the road to recovery.

Play:

WOW, this has actually been the most difficult for me. He came home not wanting to play or knowing how to play. Having my older girls around though really helped (this summer) because he would want to join in with them or watch them. Now they are in school, it is just him and me. After breakfast I tell him its time to play, and he will usually start crying and say no play. He loves playing in water, so I put water in a bowl for him and some cups and other things and he will play with that for 10 minutes. He will do the puzzles (placing an animal into an animal) but gets very frustrated when it doesn't fit and he has to turn it. I try to show him to put the face in the face etc. He did play with some spagetti but only until the timer went off after 5 minutes. He will do play dough but not for very long. So we usually do about 30 minutes one on one playing and then run errands, eat lunch, take a nap, pick up the girls from school and then he plays outside with the girls on the swing and slide. Another thing he didn't have attention for was TV. He now can watch about 20 min of Elmo. He loves Elmo, fire trucks and monkeys (curious George). Hope this is helpful to other parents adopting on what to expect once you have your little one home. We love every minute with him, he is a joy.

We took Calvin out of the orphanage 2 months ago

Calvin has been in our home 7 weeks! But he has been with us now for 8 weeks (1 week in country). Looking back, that first week in Bulgaria wasn't 'real'. He had one fit, but nothing compared to what he had once we got to America. He fell asleep straight away then too, now he plays for about 15-30 min and then goes to sleep in his crib. We have a video monitor so we can watch him. The other day he was jumping in his crib, turning the light switch on and off etc. He is a totally different child.

He is smiley, happy, and loves monkeys, elmo and kitties. He still isn't watching much television, maybe 10 minutes at the most. He loves Curious George the monkey and will watch a few minutes of Elmo. Calvin's English is expanding every day. He now knows kitchen, wipes, ice cream, this way, that way, cheese, snack, breakfast, lunch, dinner, bubble bath, blanket, doggie, kittie, monkey, sissy (for Caroline), marsh mellow, music, play, water, find it, fire truck, home, we're here, store, doctor, kisses, okay, broken, night night, drink, shoes, purse, keys, mc donalds, that one, see you soon, and he counts from 1-10, sings head shoulders knees and toes and twinkle twinkle little star and probably many others I can't think of.

He is turning food away now too thankfully. He doesn't like fruit salad, raspberries or any fruit that is kind of watery, and slimy. He likes applesauce and bananas. We went raspberry picking on Saturday, and he was eating some of them as he was picking. But he didn't like them today after they were a bit squishy.

We have also been going to church separately as a family. I will go with the girls, then Chris will meet me for the second service and pass Calvin off to me and then I go home with Calvin and the girls. Well we meet in the cafe for the switch, and it is full of people talking (gym). Calvin doesn't last very long in there, today he started biting me and himself, so I had to tell Chris to leave and stop talking to our friends (we switched services today). Poor kid, guess he isn't ready yet for church. Our social worker said it would be 6-12 months until we can take him to church.

The last 2 weeks we have been to the University of Chicago Adoption Clinic. The first week is supposed to be get to know one another, second week is blood work and stool. Our last visit is developmental and attachment stuff. It is very stressful when we go. Firstly because it is a long time in the car (3 hrs there and 3 hrs back), but mainly because when we are with the doctor he has 3 other ladies with him, who 'play' with Calvin while we talk. Well..... Calvin doesn't play, so he gets hyper, screams in fun loudly, runs, falls and then it is too much for him so this time he threw his shoes across the room. I finally took him into my lap and said to everyone he needed a time out to calm down. At home if I say it is time to play, he starts crying. He doesn't like to sit and do an activity. He would rather walk, run around, closing doors. He HATES coloring, enjoys playing in water, not crazy about books and will only cuddle with me during rocking time before bed.

He is still sleeping well and eating well. He takes a nap every day and sleeps from 1.5 -2 hrs and goes to bed by 8pm and wakes up between 7:30-8 am. He loves his bath now too and asks through out the day where daddy, sissy and Cathryn are. We think he has adjusted so well. So this is where we are after 2 months with us.

Old Blog post about attachment worth reading again...

Attachment and Bonding

Yesterday we attended an attachment and bonding meeting with other waiting families at AAI. I was very impressed with the psychologist that talked, he gave a good presentation. He himself has adopted a little girl from China 2 years ago. So he spoke from experience as an adoptive parent as well from the aspect of a professional who helps families withattachment issues.

Some good points he made were:
1. It takes time to form an attachment because if these children have been in an orphanage for 6 months or more think about what they have missed out on. They haven't had their emotional needs met most probably because of the limited amount of caregivers in an orphanage taking care of many children. If our son wakes up in the middle of the night he wont have someone there to sooth him or comfort him, because most probably if he is awake other children are awake crying, or in stress. So he will have to learn to sooth himself, and ultimately he learns he can't trust anyone to help him so he learns to mistrust others and to rely on himself.
2. We need to spend time with him and be engaging, touching, reciprocating,nurturing to him. When he cries in the night we need to be there to comfort him so he knows he can trust us to provide for him. When he falls only the parents are to comfort him (not grandparents or friends), the parents need to provide for his every need (at least for 6 months until he has bonded). He needs to be clear who his parents are and that we will be there for him in need.
3. He stressed that we shouldn't have huge amounts of people at the airport to meet us because this can be stressful for the child, who is grieving the loss of his friends, only caregivers he knows in the orphanage, his language and culture (smells and sounds). If family want to see him they need to do it at our home in the beginning (his turf) and not many at one time so he is overwhelmed. The psychologist also said we shouldn't put him in the nursery at church or have babysitters for at least 6 months. So I will probably go to night church and Chris will stay home with him then.
4. For our biological children he stressed that we should explain the situation of bonding with the child and treat them to special time with mom and dad so they don't feel left out.
5. The most important point he made I think is that this isn't the child's problem but a family issue. We need to learn how to relate to him and bond with him. If he has a difficult time with touch we need to go at itslowly- patting him on the back (instead of hugging) etc. We need to treat him like a newborn...respond when he is in need, cuddle, eye contact,etc because he has missed out on this and needs to make up for lost time. We need to spend time with him, not put him in daycare but try and stay home (thankfully we are able to do this).
6. Children from orphanages with attachment issues have feelings of shame and self hate. This breaks my heart. I can't wait to tell him that God made him, loves him and placed him in our family for a reason. And that we loved him before we met him because he is a child of God!
I thank God for adopting me.

1st day of school pictures

Cathryn 1st Grade

Ms. Mehari

Caroline 3rd Grade

Mrs. Bodine

1st day of school

I will have to post pictures later, but today was the first day of school for Cathryn (1st Grade) and 3rd grade for Caroline. They looked too cute in their school uniforms. It was a bit rushed in the morning (I don't know why?). I made them a special breakfast (prepared last night) and Chris got up at 6:30 to put it in the oven. They had Caramel French Toast! Calvin didn't want to let go of Caroline's lunch box (he wanted to carry a bag too).

After praying for them we left and Calvin and I went home to eat breakfast. We woke him up as we were leaving the house and gave him a cheese stick for the carride so he wouldn't be starving. After breakfast we went for a walk, our usual routine. Then I decided to be brave and go to the library with him. We had a little talk before we went in about screaming and biting and obeying. He did amazingly well. We played with matching colors, coloring a picture for daddy and that was his limit. So we left with no tantrums and running away. He has come so far. Also the stroller helps when we arrive and leave.

After the library we went home for snack and then went to the store to buy a few things. Then it was lunch time and nap. He was happy to go pick up Caroline and Cathryn at school after nap and get a treat at McDonalds (icecream). The girls enjoyed their first day so it was a success.

Home 5 weeks

Today was the first day we took Calvin to the beach. School starts next week so this was our last hoorah. We went as soon as they opened and were one of 5 families there until we left at noon. Calvin was fine in Chris' arms but nervous about the water. He enjoyed the splash pad more. He doesn't mind water splashing in his face. It was the perfect day for him.

We aren't seeing as many tantrums either, I think with him understanding us more we are able to communicate better. He is also obeying us, not running off as he did before when we tell him to come. He is loving the slide now more than the swing at the park, still asks to go in the car every day and for a walk.

We have started giving him a bottle at night and rocking before bed. He loves this cuddling time and asks to rock. He however doesn't want anything in his crib anymore, he throws the blanket and bear out of the crib. Oh well. He is still sleeping well. He takes a 1.5 hr nap in the afternoon and sleeps through the night, even thunderstorms. He still doesn't have much of an attention span for playing or watching t.v. He also always has to close doors, anyone else understand this concept.

Calvin loves music and I have found he learns to music. Like counting 1-5 and the ABC's song.

We are so blessed by our son!