Update: Our agency and lawyer found a name and website for us to request a letter from the UK authorities. I emailed the contact Monday and never heard back. This morning I called and had to talk to 2 people telling me to check the website (which I had already done, but was hoping for a contact person who could help me with the letter I need).
Mailed off the letter they need stating I am not a habitual resident of England and have it notarized. It should be in England in 3-5 days (express mail, costing $25). The lady at the post office said it will take 10 days to get a letter regular post from England. So this matter will probably be resolved by the end of November.
I am hoping MOJ of Bulgaria is patient and doesn't take us out of the dossier line, if they do we will be waiting another month to be registered! I have to keep reminding myself God is sovereign and maybe my son isn't availabe to be adopted yet. It is so frustrating working with government agencies, no accountability or customer service. If Obama wins this election, this is what we will get with government healthcare (the runaround).
Will update when we have the important letter in our hands and off to our agency. Probably need to apostile this too I am guessing. Adoption is not for the weary hearted.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Please Pray for us
The good news, the MOJ in Bulgaria is looking at our dossier. The bad news is they want more info because I am a British Citizen. Please pray that God would resolve this and that the info they have is sufficient. Thank you. We will keep you posted when we are registered.
1Thes5:18 Give thanks in ALL circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
I want my son home. Please pray for him as we wait for him to join us...
1Thes5:18 Give thanks in ALL circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
I want my son home. Please pray for him as we wait for him to join us...
Saturday, October 18, 2008
2 Referrals Received from Bulgaria
Good News from our agency, TOL. Two families received referrals and are leaving for Bulgaria to see their children in 3 weeks. The one family is adopting a 4 year old girl with correctable eye issues and another family is adopting a sibling group of 2 boys ages 7 and 8 years old. As you can see from this information children who are older than 4 are being adopted quickly and if they have "special needs". This is very exciting to see some referrals coming through, especially through our agency.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Attachment and Bonding
Yesterday we attended an attachment and bonding meeting with other waiting families at AAI. I was very impressed with the psychologist that talked, he gave a good presentation. He himself has adopted a little girl from China 2 years ago. So he spoke from experience as an adoptive parent as well from the aspect of a professional who helps families with attachment issues.
Some good points he made were:
1. It takes time to form an attachment because if these children have been in an orphanage for 6 months or more think about what they have missed out on. They haven't had their emotional needs met most probably because of the limited amount of caregivers in an orphanage taking care of many children. If our son wakes up in the middle of the night he wont have someone there to sooth him or comfort him, because most probably if he is awake other children are awake crying, or in stress. So he will have to learn to sooth himself, and ultimately he learns he can't trust anyone to help him so he learns to mistrust others and to rely on himself.
2. We need to spend time with him and be engaging, touching, reciprocating,nurturing to him. When he cries in the night we need to be there to comfort him so he knows he can trust us to provide for him. When he falls only the parents are to comfort him (not grandparents or friends), the parents need to provide for his every need (at least for 6 months until he has bonded). He needs to be clear who his parents are and that we will be there for him in need.
3. He stressed that we shouldn't have huge amounts of people at the airport to meet us because this can be stressful for the child, who is grieving the loss of his friends, only caregivers he knows in the orphanage, his language and culture (smells and sounds). If family want to see him they need to do it at our home in the beginning (his turf) and not many at one time so he is overwhelmed. The psychologist also said we shouldn't put him in the nursery at church or have babysitters for at least 6 months. So I will probably go to night church and Chris will stay home with him then.
4. For our biological children he stressed that we should explain the situation of bonding with the child and treat them to special time with mom and dad so they don't feel left out.
5. The most important point he made I think is that this isn't the child's problem but a family issue. We need to learn how to relate to him and bond with him. If he has a difficult time with touch we need to go at it slowly- patting him on the back (instead of hugging) etc. We need to treat him like a newborn...respond when he is in need, cuddle, eye contact,etc because he has missed out on this and needs to make up for lost time. We need to spend time with him, not put him in daycare but try and stay home (thankfully we are able to do this).
6. Children from orphanages with attachment issues have feelings of shame and self hate. This breaks my heart. I can't wait to tell him that God made him, loves him and placed him in our family for a reason. And that we loved him before we met him because he is a child of God!
I thank God for adopting me.
Some good points he made were:
1. It takes time to form an attachment because if these children have been in an orphanage for 6 months or more think about what they have missed out on. They haven't had their emotional needs met most probably because of the limited amount of caregivers in an orphanage taking care of many children. If our son wakes up in the middle of the night he wont have someone there to sooth him or comfort him, because most probably if he is awake other children are awake crying, or in stress. So he will have to learn to sooth himself, and ultimately he learns he can't trust anyone to help him so he learns to mistrust others and to rely on himself.
2. We need to spend time with him and be engaging, touching, reciprocating,nurturing to him. When he cries in the night we need to be there to comfort him so he knows he can trust us to provide for him. When he falls only the parents are to comfort him (not grandparents or friends), the parents need to provide for his every need (at least for 6 months until he has bonded). He needs to be clear who his parents are and that we will be there for him in need.
3. He stressed that we shouldn't have huge amounts of people at the airport to meet us because this can be stressful for the child, who is grieving the loss of his friends, only caregivers he knows in the orphanage, his language and culture (smells and sounds). If family want to see him they need to do it at our home in the beginning (his turf) and not many at one time so he is overwhelmed. The psychologist also said we shouldn't put him in the nursery at church or have babysitters for at least 6 months. So I will probably go to night church and Chris will stay home with him then.
4. For our biological children he stressed that we should explain the situation of bonding with the child and treat them to special time with mom and dad so they don't feel left out.
5. The most important point he made I think is that this isn't the child's problem but a family issue. We need to learn how to relate to him and bond with him. If he has a difficult time with touch we need to go at it slowly- patting him on the back (instead of hugging) etc. We need to treat him like a newborn...respond when he is in need, cuddle, eye contact,etc because he has missed out on this and needs to make up for lost time. We need to spend time with him, not put him in daycare but try and stay home (thankfully we are able to do this).
6. Children from orphanages with attachment issues have feelings of shame and self hate. This breaks my heart. I can't wait to tell him that God made him, loves him and placed him in our family for a reason. And that we loved him before we met him because he is a child of God!
I thank God for adopting me.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
No news
I guess no news is good news. So our agency tells us. If there were something wrong then we would hear from Bulgaria. I still plan to call our agency at the end of the month to see if we are registered with the Ministry of Justice in Bulgaria.
We do have a "waiting families" meeting at AAI on Thursday night, so something to look forward to. We will be learning about attachment issues and bonding. I will post something after our meeting. We continue to pray for our son and other families who are in the adoption process.
A friend of ours got a referral but had to turn it down due to medical issues (another country other than Bulgaria). The wait is hard but getting a referral only to have to turn it down would be even harder I think.
We do have a "waiting families" meeting at AAI on Thursday night, so something to look forward to. We will be learning about attachment issues and bonding. I will post something after our meeting. We continue to pray for our son and other families who are in the adoption process.
A friend of ours got a referral but had to turn it down due to medical issues (another country other than Bulgaria). The wait is hard but getting a referral only to have to turn it down would be even harder I think.
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