What I love about Christmas

1. It is all about CHRIST, or should be at least.

2. I love doing the advent wreath (or calendar) with my kids. Advent means waiting for Christ's 2nd coming. I love the verses from the old testament that prophesy about Christ's coming. I love reading the nativity story with my kids.

3. I love Christmas eve service with my family. Especially when it is a candlelight service (reminder that Jesus is the light of the world).

4. Ultimatley it comes down to all the 'meanings' behind everything we do at Christmas, and all the traditions we have as a family.

5. Singing Happy Birthday to Jesus Christmas morning before opening presents, and talking about what Jesus has done for us, his greatest gift.

6. Teaching my children about giving to others. Cookies to neighbors, clothes to the homeless, gift box to a child in another country etc. Next year we will only do 2 gifts for the kids and the rest of the money will go towards orphans on the angel tree through Reece's Rainbow.

7. Singing Christmas carols we don't hear much of during the rest of the year, like Silent Night.

8. Decorating our Christmas tree, pulling out the ornaments the kids have made over the years, and remembering who gave us the other ornaments. Putting lights outside on the bushes and lights in the windows of our home. I love seeing lights on other homes too, and driving around with the girls looking at them.

9. The past few years we have made hotchocolate and taken it with us in the car to look at Christmas lights, with Christmas music playing in the car.

10. Eating Christmas Cake (fruit cake to Americans) that my mom makes (yummy and moist not like the ones in America). Eating trifle on Christmas Day for dessert, mince pies and popping crackers at the dinner table. Roast potatoes, fried yams, brussel sprouts (all English traditions carried down from my family). The American tradition we have added to the meal is green bean casserole for my husband.

12. Talking to family members overseas on skype :)

13. Buying my family gifts that I know they will love and enjoy. We don't buy our kids things during the year (other than 1 for their birthday). So through the year if they ask for something I will keep a list and buy it for them later (not everything of course).

Christmas is my favorite holiday with Easter close behind. Thank you God for your gift of your son Jesus. Emmanuel with us.

Radical Give away :)

So I got a book from a fellow blogger who is adopting from Ukraine and I am going to pass it on. This book is life changing and it is called Radical by David Platt. If you are interested in me mailing this to you please leave a comment and I will draw a name on Sunday.

In a nutshell it is about taking back your faith from the American Dream. The main question is: What is Jesus worth to you? This is the most convicting book and the best book I have read, and very easy to read.

Fear....

John 6:15-24 was the sermon this past Sunday. Have I told you how much I love the sermons at our church, very applicable. We are studying the book of John and this Sunday was about the disciples in the boat during a storm on the Sea of Galilee. Pastor Samra mentioned this chapter is about FEAR. The disciples were 1. first seperated from Jesus when he went up the mountain and they went down towards the sea. Jesus told them if he wasn't there by night they should go without him to the other side of the sea. So they obeyed and did this. 2. They were then confused (didn't see what was going on in the situation) 3. Then the storm comes and they then see Jesus walking on water (which he hadn't done before) they thought he was a ghost and they became fearful. It was just awesome to see how it tied in to our life. When we sin (or are seperated from God in our daily walk) we then are confused about what is going on in our life if we don't see God or feel close to him, then we have fear when God doesn't work the way we think he should. But God doesn't promise our life will be easy (without the storms) but he does promise to be with us during the storm and help us get through it. Pastor Samra used other examples in the Bible where we see this. The Garden of Eden: Adam and Eve sin (disobey and eat the fruit), they are seperated from God (the fall) and they hide when they hear him (confusion, they now know good vs evil) and Fear (of God , they hide). I could go on and on with examples and scripture but what I took away from the sermon is that God will be with us during our trials, He promises to see us through the storms, maybe not the way we want (He doesn't calm the storm) he helps the disciples get to the other side.

Thankful for my Children

Yesterday I went to the library with my youngest to get some books for homeschooling. On the express bookcase I spotted MaryBeth Champman's book Choosing to See. I started reading it in the late afternoon and couldn't put it down until I went to bed. I highly recommend you read this book. As you most probably know Steven Curtis Champman is a Christian singer and he and his wife have adopted 3 little girls from China (at the probing of the eldest biological daughter Emily, and God). In 2008 one of their sons ran over their youngest daugther and she talks about how God prepared her, and her family for that horrific accident and how they are coping today. She is very open, honest, candid about her faith, her short comings, and her marriage. What I took away from this book is that I need to treasure each day with my children, as if it were their last. I also took away that God is working in each of us, completing a good work in us until we go home to Heaven to be with Him. Each incident in our life isn't an accident. We see the picture close up, blurry, but it isn't until we step back and look at the bigger picture then we can understand. I have often seen my life this way, during the difficult times it is hard to see what God is doing but once you are out of that pain, or situation and take a step back you can see the tapestry that God is making with your life. Like MaryBeth I like the idea that I am 'in control'. This adoption has shown me this, and I am working on letting things go that I can't control and turning to God in prayer. I also have to stop making this my idol, focusing on it all the time. I need to live my life with my children that I have at home. Not plan for the future but live for today.

Today Cathryn and I went to the Nutcracker and it was so fun. After school I took the girls to Panerra for a treat and a Chai tea for myself. I wanted to listen to my kids, ask them questions and not be busy but know them. We enjoyed sitting by the fire and cuddling on the couch. I am thankful for my girls, who love me even though I am impatient with them. I want to take the time to enjoy them and not to rush things anymore. They don't stay small for long. Caroline is 7 already, where did that time go?

Food Cravings when you are pregnant.

I remember when I was pregnant with my first I craved mexican pizza's from Taco Bell. Every lunch I would go to Taco Bell across the road from my office and at night I would ask hubby to get me a Mexican Pizza. I have noticed with this 'pregnancy', especially the last few months I have been craving Thai and Indian food. I think hubby is happy that I am trying new recipes. Tonight we are having Green Curry Chicken. It smells so good. Last week I made Kicked up coconut split pea soup which also has green curry in it. No I am not actually pregnant with a little one growing inside of my belly but I am definately dying to bring our little boy home. I was told today that our updated paperwork is being scanned and emailed to Vesta and we could have our official referral before Christmas. That would be the best gift.

If this does all work out, my plan is to make a trip out to IKEA after the new year so we can buy a few more things for Calvin's room so it will be completed by the time we make our first trip to Bulgaria.

While following other adoptive parents visiting their children and bringing them home, I have come to the realization that this doesn't journey doesn't end when we actually bring him home. The Journey only begins then. I am hoping to buy the book 'Holding Time' soon to read. Do you have any other books you recommend?

We got our I800a approval letter

Yes we did finally receive our approval letter Saturday from Hague. Monday I will be taking a copy of our approval letter and getting it apostilled with our updated homestudy and mailing it to our agency, who will then forward it to Bulgaria. So on my timeline :) our agency should get our paperwork the following day (7th) and then they will send it to Bulgaria which takes 8 days, so probably the 16th or 17th. Thankfully we have a very nice lady who is our caseworker over at USCIS, I have heard some horror stories from others so feel blessed about that. Now we wait again for our referral.

Please watch this...

Pictures from this year 2010

Summer time
Beach we visit often in the summer months
Caroline piano recital
Cathryn ballett recital
Gull Lake with our extended family
Caroline on the zip line and she loved it!!
Disney February 2010
Sea World and Universal

Biometrics done today!

So we went in a week early for our appointment, praying all the way there that they were open. They don't have a website with hours etc, so I was guessing they would be open. FYI the one here is open Mon-Friday 8-4pm. We got there at 9am and were the only ones there. So thankful! So we were in and out in 30 minutes. Now to email our USCSI worker to inform her they are done. I am praying we will receive our approval letter by Dec 21st so we can mail it to Bulgaria before Xmas. They probably won't get to it anyway before the 2nd week of January because of the holidays but I have done all I can to move things forward.

What is the rush for you ask? A little boy on the moj site who has a special need. I can't go into what his need is until we receive his referral. Hoping to have some good news in January 2011. On another note, we got an email from our Bulgarian agency saying that some healthy young children have been registered and 2008 dossiers from the US will start receiving referrals. The rate they are making referrals though that would be probably Spring or Summer time for us. IF this little boy falls through then I guess we will go that route. God's will not mine!

Thankful Day 30....God's mercies are new each morning.

Thanksgiving

This thanksgiving we celebrated with my inlaws. We had 20 people for the thanksgiving meal. We had a wonderful time with family. We are so blessed. Calvin, you were on my mind alot. Praying you will be with us next year to celebrate with our family. Praying for all the orphans around the world. We have so much and they have so little.

It is kind of crazy here in America how people go shopping the day after Thanksgiving to get a good deal on something. Really shows us how materialistic we are. I did go out the day after thanksgiving with my mother and sister in law. We were not up at the crack of dawn. We went out for breakfast (while the men babysat the kids) and then we just checked out a few stores. We enjoy the time together.

What I love most, is being able to put up our Christmas tree and decorate for Christmas, once Thanksgiving is over. This year we didn't go and cut our own tree, we were just exhausted from Thanksgiving. So Chris and the girls went to a lot and chose one. The girls and I then decorated it, with Christmas music in the background and drinking hot chocolate. I do the lights and they get to help with the ornaments. We also have a fake tree that we put upstairs in the hallway (9ft). We put our our nativity scene, and Dickins Village. We put lights in the windows but I have yet to convince my husband to get on the roof to put lights up on the house. I love Christmas time, the meaning of Christmas and the anticipation of Christmas day with my family. This is the second year that we have a stocking for Calvin hanging from our mantel and he is still not here. We will be going Tuesday morning for our last set of fingerprints at USCIS. Praying that 2011 is the year we bring our son home.

Thankful 18-21

Baby it's cold outside! Thankful for my warm home and chili cooking in the crockpot.

Thankful for our church where we have been worshiping since this summer. LOVE the music (always brings me to tears) and really enjoy the sermons (learning and convicting). We started with a lady reading from John 4 (Samaritin woman who had 5 husbands and was not married to the present man she was with). At the end of the reading the lady reading says' I was that woman, living a life going from one man to another, until I met Jesus'. It was so powerful. God meets us where we are, He is the LIVING water. He fill us, and only He can fill us. Not other religions, or addictions, or work, or our children, or our spouse.

Thankful for the good friends we have made, God is so good.

Thankful for children coming home from orphanages. Shelley will be travelling in a week to bring her daughter home (she has a heart issue) and Viviane recently visited her son in his orphanage. Praying it will be us soon.

Christmas

This is the first year that Cathryn is part of a Christmas program. She was too young last year to do it. She joined the children's choir this year and they are doing the program 'Back to the Manger'. It is a very cute story about some kids who travel to the past and see baby Jesus' birth. The main message is 'love your neighbor', 'help others' and remember Christmas is about the birth of Jesus and not getting presents but giving to others in need. At church for the Wednesday night program they are memorizing the book of James. This also talks about loving your neighbor as yourself, and not showing favoritism. The kids this week did the boxes for Operation Christmas Child. This is a box of goodies that is mailed to another country to a child in need through Samartians Purse. The girls love to do this and chose what to put in them. This year we sent one to a boy and one to a girl. I remember the first year the girls did this they didn't want to part with what we bought, this year they did much better.

When the kids are older, I would love to not do presents but rather go as a family on a mission trip to help others. What stuff do we really need anyway? This Christmas season lets think on what the true meaning is....what Christ did for us and how we can be 'Jesus' to someone else. Did I mention Christmas is my favorite time of year?

Difficult Week, glad it is over

So this week has just been difficult for me. At the beginning of the week I was sick with some sort of stomache bug. Cathryn has not been enjoying homeschooling the last few weeks, so we have slowed down a bit on the math. We were doing a chapter a day but now it is starting to get more difficult. So we are doing 2-3 days on a chapter. She is doing really well. She is already halfway through the Alpha course of Math U See. We also slowed down a bit on the All About Spelling, not because she was finding it difficult but because of her attention span. After 1 hour of school work she is ready to move around. I tease her that she is so skinny because she can't sit still. Even when eating a meal, she is up all the time. Drives me crazy!

We have also had some behavioral issues with our youngest this week which has been very difficult to deal with as she has been a pretty easy child. Today I decided I would go and get a Chia Latte at Panera after dropping my eldest at school and what did I do, I locked my keys in the car ( at least I had my wallett). So ordered my tea, chocolate croissant, muffin for Cathryn and then called Chris at work to please come and rescue us. My knight in shining armor saved us.

A high this week has been getting to know some other couples better that go to our new church. We got together for pizza last night with all our kids. It was a lot of fun. And the Chai tea was a high too.

HIV information for National Adoption month...

http://jcics.org/final%20hiv%20fact%20sheet.pdf

Finger print appointment...

Got our appointment dates today for the 1st week of December....that is like 4 weeks away. Should I go in earlier?

Thankful 10-11

11. Reminded today to be thankful for my health and the health of family members. Please pray for a friend today who found out that her baby has fluid on his/her brain. Pray for healing and that God will provide what they need to get through this.Thank you.

12. At the same time, I am thankful for the healthcare we have in our country. That we can go to any specialist and get the help we need. In socialist countries you have to wait on a waiting list and see a doctor the government assigns you. This exercise in thankfullness really shows me what I take for granted. We should give thanks in all things (I Thes 3).

Thankful Day 8-9

Thankful for our support systems (family and friends). I remember how hard it was for me to receive from others, it is so much easier to give but very humbling to receive. I learned this lesson when I was in college and continue to learn this. For me it was probably pride and just the way I grew up.

This adoption is another teaching/learning situation for me. When we started our adoption we didn't want to ask friends and family for financial support, so without going into too much personal information we made sure we had the money before we started. However, God's plans aren't our own. We started in one country program (Ukraine) and then switched to Bulgaria. When we switched we lost some money and we have now had to update our paperwork numerous times (homestudy, fingerprints, extentions, notarizing, apostilling, medicals etc) so we 'lost' some money in the process. We decided we would apply to different organizations that help families with adoption costs. We were turned down by one organization because they had too many applicants and not enough funds. The question they all ask is ' have you asked friends, family and your church?' We applied to another organization that works with your church and we received a matching grant from them. However, we had to send a letter to friends and family requesting they join us in our prayers and fundraising. We mailed out 50 letters and received help from 10. It was very difficult for us to send those letters, and we felt so blessed by what we received. We met our match from ABBA so we received our money which has gone towards our international fees. Now as we get ready to accept a referral, soon hopefully, we will need to think about what we will be taking with us to the give to the orphanages. I mentioned I was going to start knitting hats and a friend from our last church donated some hats and sweaters to take with us when we go. I have also put aside some clothes and bought a few things to take. Once we do receive a referral and travel, I believe our agency will give us a list of possible donation items such as vitamins, money for diapers, diaper cream, and shoes.

So thank-you to our friends and family who have been so supportive during this long journey. We covert your prayers most of all and are thankful for you all.

Thankful Day 6-7

6. Thankful for the children God has blessed me with. Caroline who has a great sense of humor, loves to wash dishes for me, loves anything sweet and loves to play soccer and watch t.v. Cathryn who is my snuggle bug, loves giving hugs and kisses, is an encourager to me and loves to sing and swim. Calvin, who is born from my heart and who we don't know yet. God created you in your mothers womb and knew that you would be apart of our family. We can't wait to meet you.

7. Thankful for good friends who laugh with us, cry with us and encourage us.

uscis

Heard back today that NBC (national benefits center ) recieved our i800a extention paperwork in Texas Oct 28th and then it was forwarded on and the NBC logged us in Nov 1. So maybe a couple more weeks until our fingerprint appointment?

On another note, we had snowflakes today and it is very cold. Thankful for a warm home:)

Quick question for other PAP's, did you mail a copy of your homestudy to your agency and to Bulgaria? Does it need to be apostilled? My agency isn't replying to my emails asking them this questions. Thanks

Day 3-4 of thanksgiving

3. Thankful for God's word, the Bible. This is where I find truth and how to live my life. If I weren't a christian it would be so hard to know what is right or wrong. Feelings and situations change, but God's word doesn't. Thank you Lord for your words that lead us, encourage us, convict us, guide us and point us to you.

4. Thankful for forgiveness and grace. Forgiveness of my sins, and that I am able to forgive others because of Christ's example. Grace, without God's grace we would all be condemned to hell. Thank you Jesus for paying our debt on the cross.

30 days of Thanksgiving....

Day 1....thankful for my husband who works tirelessly for his family, day in and day out. I know he would rather be a theologian, teaching, studying and debating . He strives to be a better husband, father and child of God each day and because of this I love him and appreciate him.

Day 2...thankful that our country has the freedom to vote (even though I can't vote as I am not a citizen).

Homestudy in the mail!

Woohoo. After calling yesterday and this morning I finally picked up our home study so we could get it in the mail with our I800a extension. Of course we are having high winds and tornado warnings, so the lady at the post office said the planes might not take off tonight to over night our paperwork....but I am thankful it is off and will be there soon, out of my hands. So the count down begins, how long will it take to get approval? and fingerprint appointment?

Need to vent somewhere, so how about on my blog:)

We still don't have our home study!!!!! 2 weeks ago we gave our social worker all the medicals and she said she would have our home study done last week Wednesday. Last week she then says it has to be check by her supervisor so it won't be ready until Friday. Friday we get an email saying her supervisor can't sign it until Monday so we will get it Monday. TODAY IS MONDAY. We called and were told to leave a message for the supervisor because she was in a meeting. NEEDLESS to say we still dont' have our home study. I would be banging my head on the wall and screaming on the top of my lungs if I didn't believe that this is all God's plan and His timing is perfect. Might not be perfect in my timetable though:) Just want to move on so we can get our paperwork into USCIS. This time last year we were waiting on the doctors now it is our 'new' social worker and her supervisor. So frustrating. Okay I am done venting and feel a bit better.

Is International Adoption the best choice for your family?

Posted by a PAP on a Bulgaria support group;

I was visiting the website of the Bulgarian Ministry of Justice this morning and found some information on the number of international adoptions completed in 2010 through June 30, 2010. A total of 109 adoptions of 122 children were finalized. Fifty-eight of these adoptions were by Italian parents, 18 by U.S. American parents, 14 by German parents, 5 by Spanish parents, and 5 by Swedish parents. The remaining nine adoptions were completed by parents from Canada, France, Cyprus, Holland, Switzerland, Bahrain, and Norway.

So, if you are thinking of adopting from Bulgaria expect it to be awhile, especially if you are requesting a child under 6 years old. Special needs and older children are being referred, not many young children (especially in the USA). The young kids I have heard coming home are special needs and older than 3 years old. Also keep in mind government offices in Bulgaria are closed during August and December (slow downs during the months of July and January too). I am very disappointed that only 109 referrals have been made Jan-June. Am I being naive to think, if there are hundreds of families waiting and even more orphans waiting, why not hire more workers to match children and families to get them out of the orphanages? Breaks my heart knowing there are families and children waiting and waiting for years to be matched.

If anyone askes me about adoption I would tell them if they want older or special needs international adoption is the way to go. More and more countries are leaning this way as more families in the countries are fostering and adopting the younger children (which they should be doing). If a family wants a young healthy child they should go with foster care or domestic (and even with these adoptions the children might have FAS, experienced abuse, neglect etc). Honestly the only reason we didn't go with domestic adoption is because a birth mom can change her mind at the last minute and even after you have taken the child home for a certain time period. I don't think I could go through that and try again (emotionally and financially). We were also told by an agency in our state that because we already had 2 children a birth mom would most likely not choose us. And domestic adoption agencies are not wanting families that want closed adoptions. They want you to be open to 'open or semi open'. Each has pros and cons. You need to decide what is best for your family.

In choosing a country, we looked at time in the country and number of trips (hubby only receives a certain amount of days of vacation, less than Europeans). We also looked at cost...we could not afford the $60,000 for a Russian adoption. We originally started with Ukraine, but after a few months realized that families were having to stay in country for about 5 weeks because they had to have 2nd appointments to choose a child (blind referral). Another reason we got out of that program is that there were no healthy young kids being referred, even though our agency told us there were (we saw this on adoption chat/support groups). I wanted to go with Korea but then started seeing Bulgaria pop up and agencies started sending me info on this 'new program'. We checked it out, the kids look like our family (olive skin, dark hair) the travel time was perfect for hubby and work and the price was not as daughting as Russia. So we prayed and proceeded to research agencies. We chose our agency based on their experience with Bulgaria and they were quick to respond to our questions. However, all the agencies we talked to were under the impression that young healthy referrals would be made in 12 -24months. We have been waiting for 33 months! I really don't think our agencies know, they go with what their Bulgarian Agency tells them.

So the question is how long will it take to get healthy young referrals from Bulgaria???

LOVE this song...so encouraging and worshipful.

Homeschooling Cathryn

We have finished All About Spelling Level 1 and started Level 2 yesterday, she is just breezing through it. She loves it and her reading is at a first grade level. We will also be moving onto the next level of MAth U See next week, Alpha. She found that very easy too until she had to count by 5's. She gets the 10's and 2's but struggles with 5's. She is also enjoying Hand Writing without Tears and wants to do more, but I said we need to do a little bit at a time because I can't afford to buy more curriculumn. For Bible we are doing Biblestudy curriculumn. We enjoy the cd that comes with it. Next year I am going to try Tapestry for geography, history and Shurley grammar for grammar. We are really enjoying homeschooling.

10/10/10

I started this blog to document our adoption journey and then to make it into a book for Calvin later. I couldn't pass up the opportunity though to praise God. We have had many changes in our lives with changing schools unexpectedly, leaving our church and find a new one. Through these changes God has shown us that his plans are better than ours. Yes I do miss my old church, mainly because of the familiarity. I still have the same friends, and we get together for play dates, so nothing has changed there. However, we took a huge leap of faith to join a church plant and it seemed it wasn't going anywhere. We would find a school, building to meet and it would fall through. The launch date for our new church was to be 10/10/10 but we postponed it because we could not find a place to meet in the community. Needless to say, God provided a building for us 10/10/10. We met last night for a pot luck and we had 54 people. Some from the community but mostly from the mother church who is planing the church. We are excited to see how God is working in our midst. There are so many more stories I can tell you how God has moved and place us exactly where he wants us. Change is scary, walking by faith is scary but it is better to walk in faith and obedience knowing God will always be there with us leading the way. Brings me back to my favorite verse 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path.' Also the verse about God being a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. Praising you Lord for your faithfulness and keeping your promises.

passport renewed

Wonderful surprise today, UPS delivered my new passport. It only took them a couple of weeks. I was expecting 4-6 weeks, so that was FAST. Now my passport is good until 2020. Chris has his doctors appointment tomorrow with our 'new' doctor. Chris and I switched to the kids doctor because mine closed his office and Chris' is just way to slow and there are too many hoops to jump through over there trying to get his paperwork back with a signature etc. I love our kids doctor, you take the form in with you, he checks you out, asks you questions and signs off right there. Chris' doctor would have him come back a week later to pick it up signed etc (that was probably when we had blood work done etc, but it took them forever to get it back to us.) I had my appointment last Friday and got my hep B shot (in case we travel this year) and my tetnus. I still need to get my flu shot (for volunteering at the hospital). Did any of you get the Hep b for traveling, it was recommended on the CDC site? They also recommend Hep A (food and water) but I really don't want to get more shots, and I have heard the food and restaurants in Bulgaria are very good so not to worried about that and we will just drink bottled water or boiled at our apartment/hotel. All this to say that I am hoping to have our homestudy done by the end of this week so I can mail it with our I800a extension. Anyone send their paperwork to Chicago? IF so how long is it taking? I have heard others saying it is taking 3 months to have their extentions approved. Please pray with us that that isn't the case, we need it sooner. Praying for God to move mountains, as we know He can. Praying that our paperwork will go smoothly, with no requests or corrections and that our son will be protected and be able to come home soon.

Moldova Program

http://www.carolinaadoption.org/international-programs/moldova/

Stacie brought this country to my attention. A great program worth considering. The children have to be on the registry for 2 years so the youngest you can adopt is 2 years old. Time frame looks good. Once your dossier is in you get a referral within 9 months and then travel a few weeks later.

Still haven't seen any healthy children referred to the USA that are young. I know of a couple of families that have been waiting for 2.5 years so far.

Updated Homestudy

Met with our new social worker today to update our homestudy, so we can send it with our I 800a extention paperwork. Made a few significant changes... praying for God's leading. Praying for Calvin to come home soon and for his protection. Otherwise, life goes on. Each day a blessing from our creator. While we wait we are:

1. Making applesauce

2. Visiting apple orchards

3. eating donuts

4. making homemade pumpkin pie and eating them too

5. homeschooling

6. Helping with a church plant in the innercity

7. praying

8.praying

9 worshiping

10 praising

11. learning to walk by faith and not by sight

12 learning to be patient

13 teaching our children to grow in the Lord and have HIS WORD on their hearts (Deuteronomy)

14. Working on adoption paperwork AGAIN

20 months registered...

We have been waiting over 2 years for you to come home, Calvin. It has been 20 months since we were registered with the Bulgarian government. Praying for you to come home soon. Sending kisses your way.

Roma people being kicked out of France...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-11186592

Mackinac Island

Ferry to Mackinac Island

This past weekend we went to Mackinac Island with Chris' family. The weather was beautiful, blue skies and in the low 80's. We stayed at Mission Point on the island, which the kids love because of Mac the Moose. At 8:30 there is a story time with Mac the Moose (a book about Mackinac Island) and the kids get a cookie and jug of milk. Saturday we rode the 8miles around the island. Last year Caroline did great, this year she complained her legs were tired, so we made many stops along the way.Cathryn rode her bike for the first time on the island and made it half way until she got a flat tire. Thankfully Chris had an attachment to pull her on the back of his bike.

I will post pics in a few days!

Now we are getting ready for school to start next week. Caroline's school, North Hills Classical Academy, had to close because of not enough tuition paying families. We were very sad to see them close their doors. Caroline got a great education there last year. She is learning grammar that I learned in high school!! We found another school close by that is also a classical school. They do the same grammar, different math though. Singapore instead of Saxon. She had her placement test and did fine. She still struggles with money!!! Trinitas Classical School has combined classes so the 1st and 2nd grade will be together. I am curious to see how it will work. Cathryn will be home schooled and we will begin next Tuesday when Caroline goes to school. In the coming years, my goal is to homeschool both girls in the morning and then do a homeschool partnership where they will go in the afternoon for classes such as art, music, Latin and science. I think I could teach the other subjects:) We are sad summer is coming to an end but we look forward to what God has in store for us this year. Hopefully a little boy will be home with us from Bulgaria this year.

Navarre Beach Vacation

We recently went to visit my family for a week vacation. We stayed at Navarre Beach for the week. It was very humid but the breezy made it bearable. The kids had their first experience with salt water in their eyes and mouth. After the first day they got used to it. They enjoyed jumping the waves and floating in the water. The girls also perfected their hoola hoop skills and we went bike riding in the early evenings. One day we went to Pensecola to go parasailing and see the Blue Angels practice. It was a ton of fun. We also ate lunch at Flounders on the beach. In the past when we have gone to this restaurant it has been packed and you have to wait to get a seat. This time there were 5 families in the restaurant and our server said they have lost 60% of their business because of the reported 'oil spill'. Which took 2 days to clean up months ago and yet no one is vacationing on the gulfshore because of all the bad press. We had so much fun playing in the water together as a family, collecting seashells, eating on the deck of our condo and laying out in the sun. Once we got home I asked the girls what their favorite part of the trip was; Cathryn said the bunk beds they slept in and Caroline said,'parasailing'. For me it was laying in the sun and spending time with my family. This week we will begin getting back into a routine for school, which starts after Labor day.

On the adoption front, we haven't heard anything. I will begin our i800a extention paperwork this coming month, once homeschooling gets underway. We have now been registered and waiting for a referral for 19 months. It is very frustrating, especially when we were told by our agency that the wait wouldn't be longer than 18 months when we signed up with them. We get to renew our USCIS paperwork for free this time around (however we will have to pay to have our homestudy updated, and renew my passport which will be expiring soon, pay for medicals again for the homestudy). This will be good for 18 months I believe. By that time we would have been waiting for more than 3 years.

The question I struggle with is, when do we stop putting money into this and move on, how long do we keep pursing this? My prayer is that God will show us in a clear way what we should do. I feel the last couple of years God has asked us to do certain things and we have had to make the decision, do we obey, step out in faith, or stay comfortable and do what feels safe? We felt called to adoption even though it is very scary with all the unknowns. We felt God leading us out of our present church to join a church plant in the inner city. This was also very scary with many unknowns and hard to leave friends. But I know we aren't called to be comfortable in this world, this isn't our home. We are called to be light and salt in this world. To reach the unsaved, to minister to the orphans and widows, the fatherless. I pray that God will use me for His glory and it is only through Him that I can obey. A great book I read recently is 'Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire' written by Jim Cymbala. He is a pastor at the Brooklen Tabernacle. It was so encouraging to me. A must read about prayer and how God works when we are willing to listen. I continue to pray for God's will for my life, I pray for the orphans that they might find their forever families. I pray that our son will come home soon. I will end with my favorite verse: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your path. Proverbs 3;5-6

while we wait...

1. Caroline has finally conquered her fear of water in her face and is swimming under water. So proud of her. Now she is asking to take swimming lessons again.

2. Cathryn has mastered backstroke and freestyle. She is also reading at 1st grade level, at 5 years of age. We are proud of her too.

3. We have been attending a new church, and meeting 'new' friends. God is good all the time. It was very difficult for us to leave our friends at our other church but God's ways are always better than ours.

4.I am starting to knit little hats for the babies in Bulgaria's orphanages. When we finally get to go to Bulgaria i will leave these little hats at Calvin's orphanage. It makes me sad to think of these little ones cold, so hopefully these will keep their heads warm. My goal is to knit a hat a week. Once I get 30 hats done, I will be brave enough to knit little sweaters.

5.I have ordered all of Cathryn's curriculum to homeschool her this year for kindergarten. We will be doing 'handwritting without tears', math u see, All about spelling (reading program and spelling), and Bible.

6. We have been raspberry and strawberry picking. Love strawberry jam and raspberry pie. Blueberries are next.

7. Vacations coming soon, can't wait.

8. Missing and praying for Calvin. Praying for his safety, physically and emotionally. Praying for his birth mom to.

registered for 18 months today

Was informed by our agency this week that no referrals will be made during the months of July and August due to holidays in Bulgaria. Please pray with me that we get a referral in September. Have a great summer, we have plans to go to Gulf Shores and MAckinac Island this summer. Can't wait.

Study done on adopted kids

Study: Kids Adopted From Abroad Adapt Well

By LINDSEY TANNER, AP Medical Writer Wed May 25,11:26 AM ET

CHICAGO - The scenario is increasingly common — eager parents adopt children born in hardship an ocean away, hoping to create a cohesive family against seemingly daunting odds.

And yet, children adopted from abroad seem to adjust remarkably well, according to a new study that challenges the widely held notion that these youngsters are badly damaged emotionally and prone to disruptive behavior.

The analysis of more than 50 years of international data found youngsters adopted from abroad are only slightly more likely than nonadopted children to have behavioral problems such as aggressiveness and anxiety. And they actually seem to have fewer problems than children adopted within their own countries.

"The first years of life should not be considered as inevitable destiny. On the contrary, most children grab the new chance offered to them," said researchers Femmie Juffer and Marinus H. van IJzendoorn of Leiden University in the Netherlands.

The results are generally reassuring for international adoption — a growing trend involving more than 40,000 children a year moving among more than 100 countries, the researchers said.

"Our findings may help them fight the stereotype that is often associated with international adoption," the researchers said.

The study appears in Wednesday's

Journal of the American Medical Association.

The authors pooled results from 137 studies on adoptions by parents living in the United States, Canada, Europe, Australia, New Zealand and Israel.

The analysis involved studies on adoption between 1950 and 2005, involving more than 30,000 adoptees and more than 100,000 nonadopted children.

During that time, adoption has evolved from being a "shameful secret" to being celebrated and often very visible, especially with the relatively recent phenomenon of white parents adopting Chinese children, according to a JAMA editorial by Dr. Laurie C. Miller of Tufts-New England Medical Center. In the United States alone, parents have adopted more than 230,000 children from other countries since 1989, she said.

Miller said sensationalized stories about severely disturbed children adopted from abroad have been widespread in the media, which may have skewed perceptions of these children.

In the study, behavior problems were relatively uncommon in all groups studied, but adopted children in general had more of them than nonadopted youngsters, regardless of where the adoption took place. That is not surprising, since both groups often suffer deprivation and come from broken families.

Internationally adopted children had a 20 percent higher chance of being disruptive than nonadopted children, and a 10 percent higher chance of being anxious or withdrawn. They also were twice as likely as nonadopted children to receive mental health services — results that the authors said were much better than expected given these children's often troubled early start in life.

The results might reflect the parents who adopt foreign children, said Dr. Gregory Plemmons of Vanderbilt University's clinic for international adoptees. These parents often are high-achieving and financially well-off, and tend to seek out services like counseling for their children, Plemmons said.

Children adopted within their own countries had an 36 percent higher chance of being anxious or withdrawn than the international adoptees did, and a 50 percent higher chance of being aggressive or disruptive, the study found.

These children were four times more likely than nonadopted children and twice as likely as internationally adopted children to receive mental health services. Also, domestically adopted youngsters had a 60 percent higher chance of having behavior problems than nonadopted children.

Plemmons theorized that children adopted domestically might suffer from the instability of living with different foster families before getting adopted.

Educate yourself about HIV + virus

http://positivelyorphaned.org/

Great site to learn about the medicine they have these days and how the virus is NOT transmitted. Why hasn't the public been educated about this since the 1980's. Why do these people have to live a secret, because we can't educate ourselves? I am glad my eyes have been opened, if anything, through this journey.

Registered for 17 months

To put it into perspective, our neighbor has had a baby girl since we started our adoption and is pregnant again due in December/January. Two children conceived before we have had our referral. This is not for the weary hearted for sure. And this is most certainly the longest pregnancy I have ever had! We were originally told 9-18 months for a boy. Warning, if you are considering adopting form Bulgaria it is more likely to be 24-36 months for any healthy child under 5 years old. So does that mean we are half way or nearly there? If only I knew.

A few months back I was looking at reecesrainbow site (special needs children) and saw a boy who was 3 years old, blonde and blue eyes with HIV. I really wanted to bring him home but after talking with Chris and a girlfriend thought it wouldn't be wise, mainly because of the prejudice he would receive as people really aren't educated about the HIV virus, myself included. http://positivelyorphaned.org/waiting-children/Did you know it isn't spread through coughing, sneezing, saliva...only through sexual intercourse fluids. Families don't get Aids by living with a family member with the virus. Anyway, today I found more info on the virus and felt if his picture was still on the site,I would talk with Chris about him more. But he isn't there anymore, which is great for him, I have been praying someone would adopt him. So sad to think these kids with the virus are in an orphanage and not adopted because they have this virus. With medicine today they can live to see their grandchildren. Praying we get a referral soon and move on with our lives. 17 months and counting.

Overwhelmed and humbled

Each Wednesday we receive an update from Abba as to how much money has come in for our adoption from friends and family. We got an update today and I was very humbled by the amount. Thank you so much for your generous gifts to bring our son home. Thank you Lord for always providing and encouraging us through this journey. Now if only we would get a referral!
*** We did hear back from ShowHope and they turned us down due to too many applicants and not enough funds.

Good News

We were given misleading information from ABBA fund, they hadn't spoken to our church yet about the specific amount they wanted to award us. So, it is not $2,500 matching fund. It is a $1,000 matching fund instead. We are thankful for any amount and feel blessed. So if you received a letter from us, we are still going through the ABBA Fund the only difference is the amount the church is giving us. Thank you to our family and friends who have encouraged us these past 2 years. Praying we will be seeing our son by this time next year.

I have to believe...

A fellow blogger has this song on her blog and it really speaks to me right now!

I have to believe, he sees my darkness

I have to believe, he knows my pain

I have to lift up, my hands to Worship

Worship his name

I have to declare, that he is my refuge

I have to deny, that i am alone

I have to lift up, my eyes to the mountains, thats where my help, it comes from

oh yeahhh

He said that he's forever faithful

He said that he's forever true

He said that he can move mountains

If he can move mountains

He can move my mountain, he can move your mountain too

I have to stand tall, when he wind blows me over

I have to stand strong, when i'm weak and afraid

I have to grab hold, a hold of the garments, the garments of praise

I have to sing praise, when the hour is midnight

He unlocks these chains, that bind up my soul

my sin and my shame he has forgiven, and made me whole

He's got everything under control

I have to believe

mmmm yeah

Lord I believe, help my unbelief

I have to believe in you

I have to believe

Ran and Finished my 5k May8

So the week before the race I kept going back and forth as to whether I was going to run because f the weather conditions and my asthma. The night before I had made my decision not to run because it was supposed to be 41 degrees, windy and raining. My husband though talked me into picking up my packet of info anyway just in case. That evening he talked me into running, by saying how I had trained for this and should try it any way, so what if I got asthma and had to walk off the course. So we got up at 6am and were down at the starting line at 7am. Chris' family were there to cheer me on. I finished it without getting asthma and the rain held off until we were done. It was still very windy, especially up the hills. I finished in 35'2''. I was very emotional when I crossed the finish line but held it together. It was actually a lot of fun running with over 5,000 people. Maybe I should do one more this summer?

Matching Grant Mishap...

We heard from the ABBA Fund about a matching grant, which was a mistake so we are being told now. They hadn't talked with our church representative...so now we are waiting to hear back from them as to what we are being awarded. The letters have been sent to friends and family already. We are hoping to hear back from ABBA this week so we can figure out a plan! So if you have received a letter from us and are reading this, hold off sending any money until you see an update on what is going on thank you!

Can you imagine getting an email saying congrats you have been awarded so and so amount only to receive an email a week later saying, oops we made a mistake and you might not receive anything. This has been a very difficult month because of other non related issues I am not at liberty to talk about on here. That is why the I believe song means so much to me right now and my HOPE is in the Lord not things here on earth.

16 months registered with the MOJ

So, it has been 16 months since we have been registered and I feel like we have been waiting a long time, especially when friends ask us if we have heard anything yet. Each year i feel like we say" this summer....". Well not this year. Now I am saying hopefully by January we will have a referral. That would be 24 months of being on the registry. I have decided once we actually do get a referral our blog will go private because there are some people out there who have been trying to stir up trouble with adoptive families and the MOJ in Bulgaria. Really sad!

This week we did receive some good news, we received some financial assistance from a church in Georgia. I feel very blessed. Of late I have been struggling with holding onto hope and God gave me a bit more hope with this blessing. We still need to raise some money so looking forward to hearing back from ShowHope in the next few months. My prayer is that we will be fully funded by the end of the year, and that we will receive a referral soon so we can bring our son home. The girls still pray each day for Calvin as so do I. I pray that many more families would step up and start adopting children who are either in the foster care system or orphanages. I was thinking how amazing it is that we have so many families waiting for years in the domestic program and in the international program when there are so many children wasting away in orphanages without hugs, kisses and love. Even if an orphanage is clean and the workers are kind to the children, they still don't feel special, like someone wants them, loves them and gives them the security they need at such a young age. I don't understand what is taking so long! The children are there so let them come home please.

Not Losing HOPE

No news on the adoption front, trying not to lose hope. If this is the Lords will it will happen. If not, I rest in the knowledge that God's plan is perfect.

I have been struggling with my asthma and allergies these few weeks and so have Caroline and Cathryn. I have my 5k coming up in 10 days time and ran outside this past Saturday for the first time only to get an asthma attack after .8 miles. So walked for a few minutes and ran back home. Did only 1.6 miles. I am on my advair and proventil inhalers. Today was my second attempt at running outside. I did 3.1 miles in 35 minutes. I had to stop a few times to catch my breath, my lung capacity is not what it was a month ago. But I will perservere and hope to run on May 8th.

If for some reason I am not able to run the 5k I will try not to be disappointed in myself. Rather, I look at these past few months as reaching a goal I set for myself. Being able to run 3 miles, where in November I had a hard time running 5 minutes.

On a different note, we finished the book of James yesterday. What do I take with me now that I am done? 1. Love my neighbor as myself 2. Be quick to hear, slow to anger and slow to speak 3. Control what comes out of my mouth, which ultimatley means I need to be careful what i allow into my heart 4. Don't show pariality and judgement. God is the ultimate judge. 5. Trials test our faith, and we need to be doers as well as hearers of God's word. 6. We need accountability, confess our sins and pray with other believers. We are to also turn our fellow believers from sin and save their souls. I loved the book of James, so many wonderful reminders how we are to live as Christians in this world. Boy was it a convicting book.

Registered for 15 months now

When we originally started this journey we were informed that our wait would be at the most 18 months but most probably 12 months. Now we are at 15 months wait and will most likely not receive a referral until 24 months of waiting. It is soooo hard. I thought being pregnant for 9 months was hard, this is so much harder especially when your friends are having babies that started after you. It is hard being patient, it is hard planning vacations, it is just plain hard waiting on the Lord. Isn't it amazing how the Lord speaks to you in His Word. I am currently studying the book of James and today we discussed how we shouldn't plan our tomorrows, as we are a vapor in the wind. We might not even be here tomorrow. With the adoption going on, we are struggling with this one. Planning family vacations etc is difficult when you think you need your vacation days saved to travel overseas for the adoption. I am at the point now where I don't want to stop living, life goes on and we will just live each day to the fullest for His glory. The book of James has also taught me that we grow to maturity in Christ through our trials. I know this trial is not something huge like cancer or a death of a loved one, but it is a trial nother the less. I am learning to let go of things I can't control, not to be a controller of circumstances, lean on God, and to pray without ceasing, give thanks in all things and the one I need to still work on is rejoicing always! The book of James is so rich, another favorite book for me and very convicting.

Article by Martha Osborne - Rainbow kids

Bulgaria NOT Closing to Adoption Rumors April 01,2010 / Anonymous

Rumors of Bulgaria closing to international adoption are untrue. Bulgaria continues to iron-out its program to place orphaned children internationally. In a March 23rd forum between Bulgarian Ministry of Justice (MoJ) officials, the Social Support Agency in Bulgaria , and representatives of Non-Government Organizations, it was agreed by all to work more closely in sharing information about special needs and older children. It was also established that many more children will be added to the adoption registry during 2010, in the hope of allowing these children to find permanency. Due to the intensity of the work needed to thoroughly document each child's case before adding the child to the registry, it was acknowledged that patience must be exerted by each agency and prospective family concerned with the welfare of these children. The process will require many months before all children living in orphanages have a clear, documented case plan. A new Family Code was established in October of 2009 in Bulgaria . Before the implementation of this code, children often languished in orphanages with no clear plan for reunification or adoption (domestic or international). Under the new code, efforts are made to reunite the children with their birth families. If the families do not take steps to claim their children, then the child is entered into the official registry. The forum, which united 23 Bulgarian organizations for mediation in international adoptions, was to outline the first results of implementing the new Family Code, and the challenges and opportunities facing the state institutions, the capacity of municipalities and NGOs working in this field. During the meeting, representatives of accredited organizations expressed special gratitude to the staff of MoJ for their efforts in finding a solution for each child in institutional care.

Where do we stand?

So I finally broke down a couple of weeks ago and ordered blinds for Calvin's room. JC Penney was having a sale so I got them for half price. All that is left to buy for the room is a blue area rug. However, at this point I am not sure if it going to be a little boy room or a guest bedroom. News coming out of Bulgaria is very dim for families who are hoping to adopt under 3 children that are healthy. Older children and special needs are the main priority for Bulgaria.

***Disclaimer to adoptive parents, young healthy children in all countries are being adopted by the citizens of the country or in foster care. Special needs and older children seem to be the norm now for foreigners who want to adopt*** This is for China, Russia, Ukraine, Bulgaria. The only countries I know of that have young healthy children being adopted are from Ethiopia.

I am hearing from Bulgarian chat sites that young healthy children referrals probably won't be made until next year. So where does that leave us? Our paperwork expires Nov and we will have to make a decision as to how much longer we want to wait...Cathryn is already 5 and Caroline is 7. Heavenly Father, make your will known to us. Not our will but yours be done. God's plan is always better than ours.

Tax Credit

Awesome news, it has been increased by $1,ooo. What a relief, I was really praying we would have our adoption completed this year because I was afraid the tax credit wouldn't be renewed meaning we wouldn't get a tax credit, which was one reason we went ahead with the adoption. Thankful for this miracle.

American Idol and Adoption

Found this on the Adoption Ark blog;

If you have been watching American Idol (and who isn't) you know who Aaron Kelly is. Aaron is a bright eyed talented 16 year old from Sonestown PA. He belts out songs with the voice of a singer twice his age and the girls swoon. One thing you may not know about Aaron is that he is an adoptee. At age 5, along with his brother, he was adopted by his aunt. Despite coming from tough circumstances, he thrived and travelled to various singing competitions before landing a coveted spot on the mega hit TV show. Aaron is yet another example of the determination of the human spirit and a testament to Adoption Ark's belief in the blessings of adopting an older child. We wish Aaron continued success in the competition as it narrows down to the top 10!!!

Awesome for adoptive kids to see and know!

MOJ and Government Officials meet to discuss adoption

This is an article written on a Bulgarian site about the meeting today;

After the changes in family code increases the number of adoptions abroad. Only the beginning of this year 30 Bulgarian children have found new families abroad.

In 2009, foreigners have adopted 200 children with disabilities.

Elina was born 5 years ago in Bulgaria, with serious birth defects of both legs.Abandoned almost immediately in the home for children with disabilities. Such is the fate of many children like her. After days but Elina will have a real home and family in the United States.

"I decided to be her mother because she captivated my heart. I knew him from the moment I saw her picture," said Yvonne.

Asked whether the procedure was difficult so the woman replies: "It was hard just waiting, but the procedure itself was not so bad."

Elina and her mother Yvonne Vilemyur participated in a conference on international adoptions. At present the list of children waiting for new parents abroad, Bulgarians have up to 1200 with severe disability or the age of 7 years. Chance they can find in our families is minimal.

"Many adoptions are, at times have increased - from Italy, USA, Sweden, the very good cooperation, a very large desire by foreign adoptive parents to accept and adopt children who actually have health problems and we work very well with those countries that willing to provide homes and support to children in such a situation, "said Justice Minister Margarita Popova.

Besides real home will have little Elina and 3-year-old brother, there will be new and suitable prostheses for legs. Yvonne and her mother had already begun to learn to speak English.

Yvonne is with our agency. The article only talks about Special Needs. Still waiting to see if healthy young children are being referred out of the country to other countries.

Funds for Adoption

Today was the last day for the MOPS sale. I sold Cathryn's used clothing from last summer and the toddler bed we got Calvin at a garage sale last summer. My take home is $103 after giving MOPS 30%. So total, from the fall MOPS sale and this sale we made about $300 to put towards our adoption.

I see there are no bids for the cute skirt my friend donated, so instead of putting a starting bid lets try 'make an offer' and go from there. I have just ordered 2 skirts from her, they really are cute. I noticed at Old Navy they are selling similar skirts for $15 so remember this is to raise funds to bring our son home. If you can and have a little girl, niece, grand daughter, please think about making an offer.Thanks!

Tomorrow I will be working on one more financial aid application for our adoption. So we will have officially applied to 3 organizations to help us bring our son home. Curious, how have you raised funds for your adoption, let me know.

Attachment Article from Univ of Mn

Recommendations for the First 6 to 9 Months

Our list of recommendations is based on the collective years of experience of our team of adoption health care specialists and has evolved over time. In presenting these recommendations, I would like to acknowledge the collaborative contributions of my clinic colleagues, Dana Johnson, MD, PhD, Angela Sidler, MD, Stacene Maroushek, MD, Kay Dole, OTR, Sandy Iverson, RN, CNP, Mary Jo Spencer, RN, CNP, and Maria Kroupina, PhD. "

• We recommend a low-keyed arrival scene as you return home from your child's country of origin. It is usually best to avoid having a large crowd greet you. Your child should stay in your arms and should not be passed to others.
• Develop daily routines and rituals, and stick to them as much as possible. In keeping mealtimes, bedtimes and playtimes consistent, your child will begin to feel that each day has a predictability and structure to it. This is comforting for the child who is experiencing a period of incredible change and transition from orphanage to adoptive family.
• We recommend that parents, as much as possible, be the only persons to feed, change, bathe, dress, rock to sleep, or comfort their child. We think it is helpful for your newly adopted child to practice having needs consistently met by you, the parent.
• When extended family members or friends bring gifts for your child, we recommend that you have your child sit with you and that you hand the gift to your child or assist your child in opening the gift. You may want to say something like "Look, Annie. Grandma brought you a present. You may open it now."
• In the beginning, you may want to advise relatives and friends ahead of time that they should ask your permission to pick up your child or do an activity with your child. Each time they ask permission, your child is hearing them reference you as the important decision-maker for activities that involve your child. This may provide your child with practice in referencing you before embarking on a new experience.
• In large group gatherings, like adoption shower parties, let guests know ahead of time that you will be holding your child and that you will not be passing your child around from person to person. Overall, we advise avoiding large group gatherings during your child's first few months home. A previously institutionalized child does not need trips to Disneyworld or a day of shopping at the mall. What he or she needs more than anything is lots of concentrated one-on-one time with a warm, loving and sensitive parent.
• Spend as much one-on-one time with your child as possible. Your child does not need to be surrounded by lots of toys. In fact, being surrounded by too many toys and an overly stimulating environment may be overwhelming. Instead, choose one or two toys and get down on the floor with your child, and play with the toys in an interactive manner with your child. Use lots of facial expressions and face-to-face gestures like peek-a-boo or rubbing noses together. Watch your child for cues that he or she may be getting overwhelmed or tired, and then switch to a soothing, comforting activity such as rocking your child.

We believe that all of these steps may assist your child in seeing you as the essential "gatekeeper(s)" through which all good things in life come. The goal is to help your child realize that you are the one(s) to meet his or her needs, to be trusted, and with whom to seek close contact.

Sometimes, despite undertaking the above recommendations, parents may notice their child is having a difficult time in developing an appropriate attachment relationship. If you feel you and your child are experiencing difficulties, you may want to seek the help of a trusted professional, hopefully someone with lots of experience in working with internationally adopted children. Unfortunately, a flurry of mass media reports has highlighted problems with a number of "attachment therapists" who are recommending therapies that are not only untried and unproven, but may be potentially dangerous or lethal. We at the International Adoption Clinic encourage parents to seek reputable therapists. If a treatment or therapy is recommended for your child that you, as a parent, feel is abusive or questionable, we urge you to trust your instincts and not condone or allow such treatment. We encourage you to seek a second opinion from a trusted and experienced physician, nurse practitioner or child psychologist.